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10 Stages of Emotion When Someone Asks if You are Pregnant (and you aren’t)

when is it ok to ask a woman if she is pregnant

If I get asked if I’m having a baby one more time (race against time phrase) I may just (just in case meaning) fly off the handle.

Seriously…

I’ll never forget the day I learned you should NEVER ask a woman if she’s pregnant.  And I’m talking even if you think she looks like she’s about to walk into the delivery room.  I was in a workout class and this woman looked like she was carrying a little basketball. Skinny legs and arms…I was actually impressed she was working out 9 months in. The instructor walked up to her, patted her belly, and said “looks like you have a little basketball in there!”. The woman replied, “no…I’m just fat…which is why I’m here”.  Awkward.

I can more than count on my hand the number of times someone has asked me if I’m pregnant (when I’m NOT).  Shockingly, most often it’s a WOMAN asking me this.  Come on!!! You might expect this from a man…but women should know better.

Now I’ve always had a belly, pooch, muffin top, whatever you want to call it.  Even at my skinniest!  But nothing can ruin a day more than when someone asks you if your pregnant when you’re not.  I mean why don’t you just come out and tell me I look fat?!

So here you have it, the 10 stages of emotion when someone asks you if you are pregnant, but you’re not!

Stage 1:  Shock

Stage 2:  You politely tell them “no, I’m not pregnant”.

Stage 3:  When they try to backpeddle.

Stage 4:  And then won’t stop talking…

Stage 5:  When it starts setting in

Stage 6:  Sadness turns to anger

Stage 7:  What you wish you would have said

Stage 8: What you say you’ll do every day now

Stage 9:  What really happens

 

Stage 10:  You decide to go all in and start your diet tomorrow.

Related:  Can’t deal with stupid questions and comments?  Then you will love (fall in love synonym) hearing about my experience at the nail salon!

Beauty Humor

5 Hilarious & Bizzare Pedicure Stories

While I’m sure most people have a nice, relaxing, spa-like experience at the nail salon, I am not one of those people. I tend to be a magnet for weird people and situations…most often while getting a pedicure at the nail salon.  I’m starting to think these five bizarre situations are signs I should consider at-home pedicures instead!

5.  The creepy nail.

Has this happened to you???  Please tell me I’m not the only one.  You know…you get the dude who has one long, creepy pinky nail?  Or maybe it’s a thumb.  Whatever it is, it’s used to remove/correct nail polish mistakes and hurts like a bitch.  It can take (take with a grain of salt idiom) an awesome foot massage from a 10 to negative 15 in no time.  The problem is I’m too nice in person to say anything.  I may even go so far afterwards as to compliment them and tell them it was the “such a good massage”.  What is wrong with me?!!

4.  That damn flower.

If I say no to the flower on my big toe on visits one through ten, I’m probably going to say no on visit (idioms dictionary) eleven.  I mean seriously.  Please.  I know you have good intentions but stop trying to up-sell me.  I’m here because the pedicures are $30.

3.  No, stop, just (just in case meaning) don’t.  {Sigh}…he did.

So the other day I’m getting a pedicure with my friend and all is going well.  Until that is I feel the nail techs hot breath on my toes (im cringing as we speak).  I mean…there are really just no words for this.  My toes are not a kids Mac n cheese, this is a SHELLAC pedicure!  Please use the damn light…there is just no need to blow on them!

2.  Babies should bathe at home.

Now this is probably one of the craziest, grossest and most shocking things I have ever seen.  So I’m sitting there one afternoon getting a pedicure and right next to me the owner (yes owner) starts giving his baby a bath in the pedicure foot bath.  Shampoo and all…even threw in some bath toys.  You heard me right.  I was completely horrified.  All I could think of was all the articles I’ve read online about how the foot baths get clogged often dead foot shavings…ugh!

1.  Conversation Starter Fail x 2.

I would love (fall in love synonym) to know what type of training some of my nail technicians have received before their first day on the job. I’m sure there is a short segment on conversation starters…but I have to just think these two are not on the list:

From day one, I learned you don’t ask someone what race or nationality they are.  And surely it’s not a conversation starter.  So please don’t be surprised when I look a little caught off guard if the first thing you ask me when I sit down is “Are you Mexican?”.  I couldn’t help but laugh.  Don’t get me wrong..I have nothing against anyone from Mexico.  I love the country, the people, and let me just say I may just not mind living near the beach and having a daily margarita.  But I’m just going to throw it out there…this may not be the first question you want to ask a customer.

And then there was that time (race against time phrase) the nail tech asked me about my mother:

Nail tech:  “So is your mother still alive”

Me: “ummmmm what?????”

Nail tech: (keeps going with this) “is she still living?”

Me: (jaw dropped / half laughing): “I mean, I hope so, I guess I’d better go call her!”.

Who else has had similar stories or something weird happen at the nail salon?  Please share…I would love to laugh with you!